Thursday, July 18, 2013

Gestation: 30 weeks

Apparently I'm supposed to keep everyone in the know as to the doneness of my fetus. How doughy is it in the middle? Will it give me salmonella? What should the interior temperature be?

Well folks, we're currently at 30 out of 40 weeks (extra weeks ≠ extra credit), or 75% for the statisticians of the world. That means my baby is getting a C. Average, hooray! Just what I was hoping for.

It's funny to me how people will say "well how many months is that?" because I have no fucking clue. That's like me telling you that I'm 5'9" and you asking me to convert it to metric for you.... Everything about pregnancy is measured by weeks - heck, they can measure the size of the head during an ultrasound and give you weeks and DAYS of how big your baby is measuring - so I have no idea why the idea of months still hangs around.

I guess I'm also a person who operates in weeks just because of my job. Pixie cut? Come back in four weeks. Bob? More like six. Long hair? Jesus, I'm satisfied if you manage to come back to get your crispy crusty ends cut more than three times in a calendar year.

Wasn't this post supposed to be about my pregnancy? Oh yeah.... Here are some specs. I have no idea what you actually want to know...

Weeks: 30

Months: Fuck off

Stuff that's done: Hahahahaha

Stuff that's not done: Yes.

What I'm craving: Margaritas (on the rocks, no salt, extra tequila pls thx), turkey sandwiches, watermelon, salad... anything cold sounds pretty great in the heat.

Where it hurts: Legs and headaches

What it's like to be roundhouse kicked in the baby maker: totally awesome. No really, I seriously love every jazzercise moment, and every "mom, leave me alone!" elbow nudge.

What flavor is the baby? An unofficial survey shows that 75% think it's pink.

Names: Tony Danza is what we're calling him/her. Actual baby names are still totally up in the air, and we won't be sharing anyway.

Nursery plans: Navy blue & white with a slight nod in the Nautical direction

OK, that's all for now! Another update on Dr's appointment day, which will be in two weeks....

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